It’s been six years since my last post. Jameson was two years old and Quincy was four. Just thinking about the person I was then gets me feeling emotional. I’ve been through so much. We’ve had three more children. We’ve had three new addresses since then.
We were living in our little apartment on Gage Boulevard in Richland when I wrote my last post. Now we live in Chubbuck again. In a home that we own.
Life has felt very chaotic for the past three years. (Our fourth child is about to turn three). There is so much I plan to write about. So many things that have been swirling in my head, and I’d find myself wishing I had someone to talk to about it but it’s always that there’s either no one to talk to or no one who would understand. I’d find myself having imaginary conversations in my head. That probably makes me a crazy person.
Moving back to Idaho was a relief in a lot of ways but it’s also felt somewhat isolating. I’ll go into that more in a separate post.
I plan on writing about the births of my younger three children. I’ll share about my experience leaving group fitness behind. Maybe I’ll share my thoughts on health/healing/contagion. I’ll share about changes in my health and body size following the birth of Morgan and how that’s been tough to deal with mentally and what I’m doing about it. I may share about the time where I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints anymore. I could detail what I felt during the year of 2020 and how I’m coming back online and blogging about entirely personal things after years of posting nothing on social media.
I hope that writing it all down is healing in some ways for me. I don’t know or care if anyone even sees this. I’m not doing it for anybody else. (I used to share my posts to Facebook, but I deleted it in 2020- I’ve only come back onto it now because I needed to use marketplace. Apparently, no one uses Craig’s list anymore).
The world has changed so much in the last six years and so have I. But, I do have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Even now, I’m tempted to just save this as a draft and not publish it because I’ve just laid out plans for this blog but what if I change my mind tomorrow and decide it’s not worth the effort? Except I don’t think I will change my mind. My day to day life is so hectic these days, I often feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. I put my baby to bed tonight and then just walked out the front door so I could sit on my front porch, in my hammock chair from Costco, and soak in the quiet and calm of the cool night air. I just sat there and tried to let the overwhelm of the evening routine relax out of that tense spot in my neck and shoulders. I had so many thoughts swirling around in my head again and it often feels like a burden I want to unload but I don’t even know how. And I don’t know why but this blog popped into my mind. I didn’t know if I’d even be able to open it up again. I wondered if I should write it all down- catch up on the past six years. And it suddenly felt like the thing to do so… here I am.
