Paige's Birth Story

 

Paige Noelle was born on August 3rd, 2019 at 12:20am. She weighed 8 lbs 6 oz, and I can’t remember how long she was lol. I think 20”.

I really wish I had taken the time to write down Paige's birth story five years ago. Not only is it not as fresh in my mind but our perception changes as we have new experiences. 

I knew I wanted to hire a doula again for her birth. I felt that with Jameson's birth, the doula had been what made the difference for me being able to birth without the epidural. I didn't love that doula though, so I looked for someone else. I hired someone whose name I saw recommended often in the ti-cities granola clan Facebook group. She was very different from the girl I'd hired previously. I remember her asking me questions like "what helps you ground you during hard times" and "why do you feel like you need to see if you're dilated at each check-up." If she and I could meet again, we would have more in common now than we did back then. 

She was great. She helped prepare me more about how to be in the right mindset before the actual birth. I remember her asking me something along the lines of: what helps you get through hard times? And I replied and said that my faith did. But I knew that at that point in my life I hadn’t ever really wrestled too hard with anything. Not that my life had been smooth sailing, but I hadn’t yet experienced that feeling of really yearning for God’s help. And to fast forward a little bit- I remember having a conversation with a friend who had given birth a few weeks after I did and her epidural hadn’t worked. She mentioned how much she’d prayed during that experience and how it helped her get through. I honestly wasn’t even in the headspace to pray when I was in labor, which bothered me when I would look back at the experience. Why wasn't I leaning on the Lord?

My doula- her name was Andrea- she helped me unlearn some of the beliefs I’d had surrounding birth. I took hypnobirthing classes during my first pregnancy and while I learned some valuable things, it also led me to believe that if I could just relax enough, then birth wouldn’t hurt. If I could just master the breathing techniques, I’d get through with minimal pain. Andrea taught me that breathing helps you cope with the sensations, it doesn’t necessarily take the pain away. That shifted something for me that I’d been holding onto since my first birth. I just needed to find a way to cope with the intensity- not to erase it. Controlled breathing helped me cope, and kept me grounded, and it stopped me from getting lost in the pain. 

Anyways, I was 38.6 weeks when I had an apt with my OB. I had met my mom earlier in the day because she was taking Quincy and Jameson to her house for a week. I had been feeling guilty because I didn’t ever want to take them anywhere and they’re been staying inside watching so much TV. It was so hot that summer, by the end of my pregnancy I would just swell up in the heat and I just wanted to lay in bed in the AC all day. So I was glad my mom could take them and they’d be able to have some fun with her.

I asked my doctor to do a stretch and sweep at that apt. (I would never do this now). This was on a Monday. I wanted the pregnancy to be over. He did the stretch and sweep, which always hurts, and I had some cramping and light bleeding for several hours after the appointment. Kelly and I went to dinner that night, knowing it would be awhile before we’d get the chance to go out again, alone.

The rest of the week I enjoyed my time alone during the day and Kelly and I would relax together in the evenings. I went for a few walks once the sun started to drop lower in the sky at night.

I’d told my mom I would I would pick up the kids on Saturday, whether baby had come or not. Friday evening, Kelly had plans to go with a friend to see one of the Fast and Furious movies (I don’t remember which one), that was opening in theaters. They went and grabbed dinner, and I was home, lying on the couch and watching TV. I had a big contraction and I felt/heard a pop. Those who’ve experienced it know how you aren’t sure if you feel it or hear it! My water broke. 

I jumped up, ran/waddled over to the bathroom and changed. I put on a pad, thinking that’d be enough to contain any leaking water. It was all I’d needed when my water broke with Jameson but this time it was definitely not enough. I had another huge gush of water come out and I ran and changed again, showering off because it had gone all down my legs and it was a little slimy. I called Kelly and told him my water had broken, but that he should still go to the movie. I wasn’t having contractions yet and I wanted to wait for them to get going at home. He thought I was joking, and I assured him to just go, he wasn't going to be far away and I wasn't feeling much yet. He stopped by the house to bring me a sandwich and to check on me before going to the movie. He was only going to be 15 minutes away. I knew he’d come back as soon as I needed him. I called my mom and let her know my water had broken and I remember saying something along the lines of how I’d really wanted labor to start but now that it was surely about to, I felt scared and I didn’t want to do it.

I ended up getting a big towel to kneel over because I was having irregular, mild contractions but water kept gushing out with each one. I think I took 2 or 3 showers that night. It really surprised me how much more water there was. I hung out, kneeling over the ottoman in our living room and watching Friends on TV. Contractions gradually picked up. They never did get very regular- the books all make you think that they should be happening regularly. Some were long, some were short. Some were 15 minutes in between, others 5. Kelly texted me every few minutes to see how I was doing. He just kept sending question marks and ellipses, and I'd reply that I was fine. 

For the first 1-2 hours I just told him to stay at the movie. Then the intensity started to pick up. I had a huge sensation and I texted him that I needed him to come home, now. He texted back that the credits had just started rolling! He made it home and I was leaning over the kitchen table, swaying back and forth. He sat in the recliner and we talked a little about how we were excited to meet our baby. The lights were low in the house, it felt very peaceful. Looking back, I wish I’d had the courage to just stay there. I think it would’ve been my easiest birth if I had.

I was timing my contractions. I’d had a worry about going to the hospital too soon and having my labor stop, like it had with my previous birth. But then Kelly walked over to the table and saw that my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and he said we needed to go. I didn’t want to leave but I agreed. I texted Andrea and told her we were going but that she didn’t need to come yet. She had a feeling things were moving quicker than I realized and she asked if I was sure- so I told her she could meet us there.

We grabbed our bags and drove to the hospital which was about 15 minutes away. It was after 10:00pm so there wasn’t much traffic. Contractions continued in the car and then really intensified as we walked into the hospital. So I was no longer worried it was going to stop. The hospital locks the doors to the L&D ward and they make you use that phone to call and ask to be let in. I felt so dumb, I said something like “I’m in labor… my water broke..." Like... can I come in? I'm supposed to be here? lol

The hospital was very busy that night. A record number of babies would be born that August at that hospital. All of the doctors I knew were on vacation, too. They had some other doctor on call who didn’t usually work there. I was sent to triage. I put on a gown, got checked, I was at a 5 I think.  They wanted a urine sample and those toilet contractions hurt so bad I cried. 

Then they wanted to put an IV in me, but they couldn’t get it in. I sat on that stupid table, shaking from the intensity of my labor, and they had multiple people come in and try and stick me. They use a bigger needle when you’ve had a c-section. The anesthesiologist even came in and tried. I started crying and said I didn’t want it. They insisted that I need it- again, I definitely could’ve declined this. It took three people five attempts to get this needle in. The anesthesiologist tries to reassure me, and tells me they’ll give me some medicine soon. Through tears, I tell him I don’t want it. He was like "...ok..." They finally get the needle in. We were in that room for probably 1.5 hours. I was shaking, crying, sweating, all while sitting on that table.

Eventually they move us to our room. As soon as we walk in I tell them I have to poop. I sit on the toilet and suffer through more toilet contractions. Andrea had walked in to the bathroom with me and I remember just looking at her- and she asks if I want privacy. Um yes, I do want privacy while I poop, please.

I walk out of the bathroom and sit on a birtbing ball while a nurse starts getting the monitors ready. I tell her that I want to get in the shower, I remember just wanting something to help me relax for just one minute even. I was so tense and so sweaty, I just wanted a small amount of relief. That nurse was cool, she said “we’d like to monitor you for at least 20 minutes but you can decline anything.” Damn right I can decline anything. Where was she when I was getting poked with a giant needle over and over? Anyways, immediately after that I had a contraction and felt that familiar burning sensation, it was only in a small area but I knew baby was on her way out. I said “the baby is coming.” And then Andrea pulled some emergency handle that turns on a speaker and she announces that the baby is coming to whoever is listening. People rush into the room and get me on the bed. They ask me which position I want to push in and I lay on my side while someone holds my leg up. I asked Kelly to stand in front of me so I could see him. I knew I wanted to be able to see him so I didn't feel alone.

I kept feeling a nurse wipe my butt every time I pushed and I felt embarrassed. I was yelling. My adrenaline had been pumping. I was pushing so hard. One of the nurses said “instead of putting your energy into yelling, put your energy into pushing,” which I hated. Don’t make me feel dumb for the way I’m doing this! I kept yelling and then Kelly repeated what the nurse said. I pushed hard, and even pushed when I wasn’t having a contraction because I just wanted her out. I felt the tearing happen when I pushed without a contraction. Wouldn’t recommend that. I should have waited for my body to push and given the tissues time to stretch. I remember the doctor saying he was rubbing some numbing gel inside me- it did nothing. And just don’t touch me? 

They made me roll onto my back as she got closer to exiting. Once her head was out, the rest of her slid out easily. It was maybe 10 minutes of pushing.They wiped her off and put her on my chest. She had chubby cheeks and velvety skin. I asked them not to cut the cord yet, but it had been 60 seconds and they said that was long enough. I could tell that doctor wanted to be done with me as fast as possible.

She was a chunky little thing, and she had thick hair only on the back of her head. She had chubby, velvety soft cheeks. She nursed like a champ and never wanted to stop. There's always a lot of people in the room at the hospital, I remember some nurse commenting that the baby needed to "pink up" more. She looked pink to me. I also remember some man, no idea who he was or what his specific job was, but he was in there and he started singing Happy Birthday, as soon as she was born. Which was sweet, but again, who was that guy? lol. All those people in there, and I don't even remember where Kelly was or what he was doing. I know he was there, but wouldn't it have been such a sacred moment to have the two of us peacefully looking at our baby.

The nurses were all bustling around, one of them asked me- "no meds for baby?" I replied that I just wanted to give her the vitamin K shot. During my pregnancy I had spent time researching the vitamin K shot. There's not a lot of information about it. Everything you can find tells you that your baby might have a brain hemorrhage if you don't give them the synthetic vitamin K. But the stuff comes with an FDA black box warning that babies have died after receiving it. I had a strong feeling while I was researching and praying that I should not give Paige that shot, but then my fear won out over my faith and I gave it to her. She's fine, but I never gave it to my other babies after her, instead choosing to supplement with it during my pregnancy. I could go on about this but I won't in this post. 

Like I mentioned before, the hospital was very busy. I mentioned to one nurse that Paige just kept nursing and nursing, and she said that it was because she was a big baby and that I should give her a bottle. No. I did not do that. She also told me not to sleep with Paige in my bed, and I did it anyways. I brought my own ibuprofen to the hospital, because they charge around $40/pill, and I had a whole bottle that I paid $10 for. When one of the nurses saw it she told me I shouldn't be taking my own meds, because they needed to know what I was on. But they weren't giving me anything, so I just kept taking them. 

My parents brought the kids to meet us in the hospital the next day, which was very sweet. Jameson seemed confused but Quinn was very excited to meet her baby sister. 

Because she was born right after midnight, we stayed another night in the hospital. My parents stayed at our house with our kids. The hospital was just crazy busy. It took forever to get our food and it wasn't great. The next day, when we wanted to leave, it took so long to check out. The same nurse who had told me I should give Paige a bottle, was supposed to be filling out the discharge paperwork, and she disappeared for a long time. When I finally peaked out into the hall to see what was going on, I saw her asleep at her desk. I think two hours passed before we could finally leave. Should have just cut off those bracelets and taken off! But we were happy to bring our new baby home, and we were shown so much love by friends and family who visited and brought us meals. 

It's fun to look at these photos knowing who Paige is now. She's one of a kind, with the huge heart and a huge imagination. 

It’s been awhile…

It’s been six years since my last post. Jameson was two years old and Quincy was four. Just thinking about the person I was then gets me feeling emotional. I’ve been through so much. We’ve had three more children. We’ve had three new addresses since then.

We were living in our little apartment on Gage Boulevard in Richland when I wrote my last post. Now we live in Chubbuck again. In a home that we own.

Life has felt very chaotic for the past three years. (Our fourth child is about to turn three). There is so much I plan to write about. So many things that have been swirling in my head, and I’d find myself wishing I had someone to talk to about it but it’s always that there’s either no one to talk to or no one who would understand. I’d find myself having imaginary conversations in my head. That probably makes me a crazy person.

Moving back to Idaho was a relief in a lot of ways but it’s also felt somewhat isolating. I’ll go into that more in a separate post.

I plan on writing about the births of my younger three children. I’ll share about my experience leaving group fitness behind. Maybe I’ll share my thoughts on health/healing/contagion. I’ll share about changes in my health and body size following the birth of Morgan and how that’s been tough to deal with mentally and what I’m doing about it. I may share about the time where I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints anymore. I could detail what I felt during the year of 2020 and how I’m coming back online and blogging about entirely personal things after years of posting nothing on social media.

I hope that writing it all down is healing in some ways for me. I don’t know or care if anyone even sees this. I’m not doing it for anybody else. (I used to share my posts to Facebook, but I deleted it in 2020- I’ve only come back onto it now because I needed to use marketplace. Apparently, no one uses Craig’s list anymore).

The world has changed so much in the last six years and so have I. But, I do have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Even now, I’m tempted to just save this as a draft and not publish it because I’ve just laid out plans for this blog but what if I change my mind tomorrow and decide it’s not worth the effort? Except I don’t think I will change my mind. My day to day life is so hectic these days, I often feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. I put my baby to bed tonight and then just walked out the front door so I could sit on my front porch, in my hammock chair from Costco, and soak in the quiet and calm of the cool night air. I just sat there and tried to let the overwhelm of the evening routine relax out of that tense spot in my neck and shoulders. I had so many thoughts swirling around in my head again and it often feels like a burden I want to unload but I don’t even know how. And I don’t know why but this blog popped into my mind. I didn’t know if I’d even be able to open it up again. I wondered if I should write it all down- catch up on the past six years. And it suddenly felt like the thing to do so… here I am.

Springtime

I have a lot of catching up to do! Back in April we had the chance to head over to the west side. This trip happened to be the week before our five year anniversary and also the first time we had been back to Seattle since our wedding day. We were excited to stop and take some pictures there with our kids. Oddly enough, it was raining in Seattle. 

Our wedding photographer decided not to edit our photos so they are all horribly washed out. 

"Quinn, touch the flower."

"No. It's too wet."

After we took all of these pictures, we went for a walk around the temple. Both of our kids tripped and fell because they were running. We think Jameson chipped a tooth, we didn't notice until later that day. Quinn fell in the mud and got really dirty. That's life with kids, and we wouldn't change it!

The kids had fun on the ferry over to Bremerton. We toured the USS Turner Joy. It was really cool! But crazy how the ship was built like a maze. The men on that ship had to know where everything was which is amazing. Looking at it, it was hard to imagine how anyone lived on it because everything was so cramped. 

It rained so, so hard that day.

Jameson loves "pop pop" and kept asking where he was! Taking a small child on that ship was a little scary at times because there are lots of places he could have fallen down a few stories. He did not like anyone holding him except my dad. 

The only twenty minute window he actually slept in the car on the way home. That kid can be so wiped out and will almost never sleep in the car longer than 40 minutes. Then he just cries because he's tired. 

I made Kelly a heart pancake on our anniversary because I'm so thoughtful and also because I didn't get him anything else since we were leaving on a trip in a few weeks. 

In May, Kelly and I went to Maui!!!!! It was wonderful.

Our first night there we stopped at a shrimp truck for the best shrimp and crab macaroni salad ever. We tried to go back on our last day and they closed early because it was raining. 

A panorama from our condo. The grassy area with the lounge chairs was nice because lounging on the beach wasn't always possible due to the wind blowing sand in your face.

We took this right after we got to our condo. I can still feel the ocean breeze and hear the sound of the waves. 

The next day we all woke up around 4:00am because of the time difference. We decided to get up early and go to Hana. We took the back way to Hana. There is a main "road to Hana" that everyone uses to go in and then goes back out the same way. The back way was indescribable. The road was winding around the island, cliff on one side of us and ocean on the other. The most stunning views I've ever seen. We didn't take any pictures because we were in a bit of a time crunch. We had been driving for about 30 minutes on this back road (it usually takes 2-3 hours to get there) and we saw a sign that said the road was closed at starting at 7:30. It was about 6:00am at this time. We debated turning around and going back, but ultimately decided that since we'd already come that far we should just stick with it. So Kelly drove our rental car like a madman on that windy crazy road. We passed the construction site right around 7:30. There was lots of heavy equipment but I guess the workers are on island time because no one was there yet. We did talk to some people later that day who tried to go that way the day before around 9:00am and had to turn around. 

Our first stop was to hike the Seven Sacred Pools of Ohe'o. Kelly snapped this picture of me and then turned around to capture the view behind us. 

This was that view! A beautiful oasis. Each pool overflows and runs into the ocean.

A really cool tree we came across on our hike. 

It has vines that drop down from the branches and then take root into the ground. 

 

 It was really dark inside this little bamboo forest!

I don't know if you can see, but there is a dead goat inside this pool. It must have fallen in. Or maybe somebody sacrificed it to the sacred pools. 

 Black Sand Beach in Hana. So beautiful!

 All along the main road to Hana there are lots of waterfalls with little swimming holes. Of course, I had to get in and swim by the waterfall! 

Later in the week we found out that a man had died swimming in one of these swimming holes on the road to Hana. Rocks fell and killed him. His friends couldn't get him out, and the first responders had to wait until the next day to go and get him because rocks kept falling. Scary and sad!

 This is a cave that we swam in! The water was cold, and it was super dark at the back of the cave, I didn't last very long swimming in it. 

On the way back.

Is there any better feeling than laying in the sun!?

A view of our beach. You can see how it was really not crowded. We stayed in Kihei, and I think it was probably the best place to stay on the island. 

 A delicious little cafe on the way to Lahaina. They had the best pies! I had key lime and Kelly loved the chocolate macadamia nut pie. It had a salted caramel crust. So good! He also loved his seared Ahi sandwich. I had gotten food poisoning the second night we were there from some Mahi Mahi so I stayed away from fish the rest of the week. 

The coolest thing to see in Lahaina is this tree! It's super old, and every part of a tree that you can see in this picture is actually all one tree. It takes up an entire block. We thought the tree we saw on our hike the first day was crazy until we saw this one. 

Eating dinner at Monkey Pod. This was the best restaurant we ate at. It's on Wailea Beach and it's fantastic. 

A breakfast cafe where you can get banana pancakes. I don't like banana pancakes but Kelly does. 

We took a hike out to this spot and right after we took this picture a school of dolphins started swimming around right in front of us. One of the dolphins kept jumping out of the water and twirling around in the air. 

We don't have any pictures of it but we went to Black Rock Beach. This is where most of the big resorts are on the island and also where there is some really great snorkeling. We saw so many bright fish and we got to see a turtle swimming around! Kelly reached out and touched the turtle. It was so a younger turtle, it looked so surreal the way it glided around underneath the water. 

Shave Ice. Everyone says to get this but to be honest it was underwhelming and it was $15 for both of ours so maybe just wait until you get back to the US and buy a snow cone at the snow shack for $4. 

In the Kahului airport about to board our red eye flight. Our flight back to Seattle took 90 minutes less than our flight to Maui. 

It was an amazing trip, and I'm so thankful we were able to go! I was glad that we didn't bring the kids with us, but I really did start to miss them the last few days. I started to ache for the feeling of holding a small child in my arms, and I was afraid I'd never get to feel it again. There was something about having an entire ocean between me and my babies that made me a little nervous! I would do it again but I also know that I'm meant to be a mom and I'm thankful for my two healthy, happy babies. 

Kelly and I both had birthdays this spring. He loves angel food cake with chocolate frosting. My mom brought me a yellow cake with lemon, cream cheese frosting the day after my birthday. Quinn was really worried when we didn't have a cake on my actual birthday. Oh, Jameson had a birthday, too. He turned two the day after we got back from Hawaii. I made him a cake but we didn't get him any presents. We had just brought him back a gift from our trip, and he doesn't even know it was his birthday. 

Kidz dig Rigz was really fun for the kids! Jameson is obsessed with any motorized vehicle but especially tractors. He got to climb in lots of big tractors and trucks that day. 

 Quinn and I took a monster truck ride. She laughed so hard every time he turned a sharp corner. 

Father's Day! I always forget to have Kelly take a picture of me with the kids on Mother's Day. 

Hahaha we went to spend time with Kelly's dad on Father's Day. He has some cats around his place and Jameson had to chase them and hold them. He's not good at holding them, obviously. Poor cat. 

They both liked riding the pony, though. 

We went to George on the 4th. We had fun doing fireworks with friends, we've never done fireworks with our kids before this year. They loved it. 

This is just a picture I took of Quinn one day. Before it started getting to be eleventy hundred degrees every day she liked to go eat otter pops on our balcony with her blanket on her. I had to quit buying otter pops though because I ate ten of them a day. 

We did take a trip to Montana to go camping at Flat Head Lake last week, but I don't have any of those pictures on the computer yet, so I'll save that update for another time. Probably by Christmas you can expect to hear about that. 

We've been having a really fun summer! The kids are at such fun ages. Jameson has finally figured out how to swim in the pool with his puddle jumper on so we've loved using our apartment pool. It's mostly old people that live around us, so we usually have the pool to ourselves! I teach 4-5 classes every week at the gym, and Kelly really likes his current position at Lamb Weston. We are so blessed and grateful for this life we get to live!